Toddler takes an hour to fall asleep: the four reasons

It takes more than an hour for my toddler to fall asleep — what should I do? Here are the four things that cause it, in the order worth checking.

Short answer: how long should it take a toddler to fall asleep?

• About 15 minutes when bedtime is at the right time. Half an hour now and then is normal; an hour every night is a signal.
• If she normally falls asleep fast and tonight she cannot, look for a small discomfort: stuffy nose, wet nappy, teething, gas, or a hair tourniquet.
• If it happens most nights, there are three usual causes: the sleep environment, the schedule, and not enough time to wind down.
• The schedule is the most common one. Either the last nap ended too close to bedtime and she is not sleepy enough, or she is overtired — and overtired toddlers get louder and wilder, not sleepier.
• Winding down belongs in the bedtime routine, not in bed. A child who lies in bed bored for an hour learns to dislike bedtime.

Would you like to listen to a podcast episode about this? Why does it take more than an hour for my toddler to fall asleep?

Why does my toddler take an hour to fall asleep?

It takes more than an hour for my toddler to fall asleep. What should I do?

So what can cause this problem?

Does your toddler usually fall asleep easily? Then look for a small discomfort

First of all, if your toddler usually falls asleep easily, then you should suspect there's some small inconvenience, like a stuffy nose, it's hard to breathe for her, a wet diaper maybe, teething, gas especially in smaller babies, or a hair tourniquet. Um, once I took my daughter to the ER when she was, I don't know, maybe 6 months old, she couldn't fall asleep and she couldn't stop crying even though I tried to breastfeed her to sleep. And when I took her to the ER, the doctor undressed her and checked her body parts, and what was really curious, he kind of checked her toes one by one, very, very carefully. And I asked him what he's doing with her toes, and he said that he's looking for a hair tourniquet, which can very often cause babies distress.

What is a hair tourniquet?

Okay, so a hair tourniquet. A hair tourniquet is a single strand of hair that gets wrapped around a toe, usually inside a sock, tightly enough to cut into the skin and even cut off the blood supply. So basically it's just a strand of hair that wraps around the baby's toes, and especially if the baby wears socks or if the baby is in a sleeping bag, it's not something that you would think of. So usually people don't check their baby's feet or toes in particular, so that's why the doctor did it.

Actually, in the case of my daughter, it wasn't a hair tourniquet, she was just gassy.

Reason 1: is the bedroom actually good for sleep?

So if your toddler has difficulty falling asleep most nights, then it's probably not a small inconvenience that causes this. I will list the four most common reasons. First of all, the environment. The environment should be conducive to sleep.

It means that it should be dark, silent, cool, and not stimulating. So it can be something in the environment that makes it difficult for the baby to fall asleep, or for the toddler to fall asleep. So maybe the environment is not dark enough, especially if it's summertime and the sun's still up when you put your child to bed. It can be really difficult to fall asleep because melatonin production is higher when it's dark, and melatonin induces sleep.

Production of this hormone is suppressed by blue light emitted by screens or the sun itself. So if you would like to put your baby to bed before the sun goes down, then it's best to invest in some blackout blinds. Also, you should make sure that your child doesn't watch any screens at least an hour before going to bed. If the environment is too noisy, that could make it more difficult to fall asleep.

Of course, there are babies who kind of fall asleep very easily in noisy environments too, and that's because sleep pressure, or the homeostatic pressure for sleep, is high enough and it doesn't matter for them. Falling asleep in noisy environments is usually easier when the noise is kind of similar to white noise, so it's like a more monotone, constant noise, and not like a silent environment where there's a huge bang every once in a while. That makes it really difficult to fall asleep, of course. The other thing is that if it's too hot, it might be difficult to fall asleep.

Of course, it is also when it's too cold, but usually parents make the mistake that they make the baby's room too hot because they're afraid that the baby will catch a cold or something. So don't make the room too hot, and don't overdress your child. And finally, an environmental factor that can make it difficult to fall asleep is that sometimes the nursery or the room where the baby sleeps is just too stimulating. It usually happens because most often the room where the baby sleeps is the same room where the parents keep the toys, of course, and just too many toys inside can make it very difficult to wind down, especially if there are noise-making, noisy or blinking toys, or very colorful, bright colors everywhere.

Maybe if you have a mobile still, that can be too stimulating too. So make sure, if you keep the toys in the same room, then just make sure to pack away everything before the baby goes to bed. So even when you read your bedtime stories, it's not too stimulating and the baby has time to wind down.

Reason 2: is your toddler sleepy enough at bedtime?

Okay, so after the external factors that can make it difficult to fall asleep, let's look at the internal factors. Mostly these come from scheduling problems. So if your baby has a more or less fixed schedule, so he or she goes to bed at the same time every night, wakes up around the same time every morning, and has consistent naps throughout the day. If it's a toddler, I assume it's just one nap in the middle of the day.

Then it can be a case that there are problems with the schedule. So one thing that can happen is that the child is not sleepy enough when she's going to bed, and that makes it very difficult to fall asleep. The sleep pressure is not high enough to easily fall asleep for her. That can be caused by several things.

The most common is that the last nap, or in this case it's probably just one nap, so the nap in the middle of the day, the end of the nap is just too close to bedtime. And what is too close depends on the baby. Some children tolerate, even as toddlers, as little time as 3 hours between the end of the last nap and bedtime. Others need at least 5 hours so that they can fall asleep at bedtime.

So make sure that the interval between the end of the last nap and bedtime is long enough for your baby to get tired. If it is necessary, you can wake your baby up from the nap, because some babies just sleep as long as they can during their nap, and then it makes bedtime really difficult. And they fall asleep later, and that makes them wake up later in the next morning sometimes. Sometimes they wake up at the same time, and in that case they will just be very sleepy the next day.

So for those babies for whom the end of the nap is not consistent, you can make it consistent. And usually about 2 hours for toddlers is enough in the middle of the day.

Overtired or not tired enough? How to tell the difference

Okay, it can also happen that the child is just too tired, and many children wind up and kind of got hyper if they are overtired, and that makes it very difficult for them to fall asleep. So when you are experimenting with the nap and bedtime, try to look out for signs of overtiredness. So if your child winds up too much, like starts being louder, starts being quicker, runs around a lot, throws tantrums, then these are the signs that she got overtired and that there was too much time between the nap and the bedtime. So experiment with the schedule and try to find one that's ideal for her to fall asleep.

Also, sometimes parents make the mistake to assume that their babies need more sleep than what they usually do. Look up sleep need charts on the internet for the exact age of your baby. Those sleep charts about sleep needs of babies and children of different ages will give you a rough estimate of what you should be looking out for. Every baby is different and they have different sleep needs, but it's quite unlikely that your child would need considerably less or more sleep than what is in these sleep needs charts.

So try to figure out a schedule which takes into consideration the age-appropriate sleep need and the uniqueness of your child at the same time.

Reason 3: winding down before lights out

Okay, let's talk about the third reason. So the first was environmental factors. I listed a few. Second, scheduling problems.

And third, winding down. So some children need a lot of time to wind down, and usually it's best if that winding down phase is not in bed entirely. So you should allow your child enough time before lights out to wind down. So you can do it during your bedtime routine.

So you don't need extra time to do it, but you can actually incorporate it into your bedtime routine. So the bedtime routine can be anything that you usually do before you put your baby to bed. Usually it's bathing, brushing teeth if she has teeth already, putting on PJs, sometimes some quiet play together, reading books, singing a lullaby, and so on. So try to find things that not only your child enjoys, but also that are not stimulating.

So like rough housing, tickling, and other kinds of stimulating play are not okay for kids who have a difficulty winding down. For some kids, it is okay to play these kinds of things before bedtime, and they are actually very good at sometimes recommended because they release stress. And for children who are a little bit stressed, maybe because they just started kindergarten, or because of some other things that happened in their life, it can be very good to play a little rough housing before bedtime to release stress, because it's easier to fall asleep if they are not they are not stressed. But if your baby doesn't have this kind of problem, but instead it takes a lot of time for her to wind down, then it's better if you don't do these kind of things and instead you have some quiet time, some quiet play together.

So while for some babies they can go to sleep just 10 minutes after running around in the house, others need as long as half an hour or sometimes even an hour to wind down. And why is it better to leave time for winding down during the bedtime routine instead of doing the bedtime routine as you already do and then just put your kid to bed and wait for them to wind down in the bed? It's because when they do that, they can develop a bad association with bedtime. So if they need a lot of time to wind down, and if they start winding down in their bed, after a few months they can develop problems and they can start resisting bedtime, either because they are bored or because they develop nighttime fears that although that usually happens later, like after 3 years of age.

So it's best if you put your baby to bed when the sleep pressure is high enough and they are really ready to sleep, and if they fall asleep within like 15 minutes.

What about sleep associations and nighttime fears?

So these are the three main reasons why a toddler may have difficulty falling asleep. I left out two other things. One of them is sleep associations. The other one is nighttime fears.

Sleep associations can make it difficult to go to sleep, but this is only the case if the circumstances change. So if your baby used to fall asleep, for example, used to fall asleep in your lap or on you, and now you would like the baby to fall asleep independently, then of course it will take them some time for the baby to learn that. But from the question, it seemed like there were no such changes. So the mother didn't start sleep training, and so I assume that's not the case.

And finally, nighttime fears. I don't think this could be the problem because usually nighttime fears come a little bit later, like at kindergarten age, and that those can make a child nervous or stressed during bedtime, and of course it makes it very difficult to fall asleep.

My own 3-year-old takes an hour too — here is what I am trying

Actually, I'm in the process of fixing my son's bedtime. So he is 3 years old. He has been falling asleep independently since he was like 9 months old, I think, and he has been sleeping through the night ever since. But lately it takes him longer and longer to fall asleep.

And in his case, I see two main possible culprits. One is that he just really not sleepy enough when I put him to bed, and the other is nighttime fears. And I haven't figured out yet which one makes it very difficult for him to fall asleep. So he sleeps in the same room with his sister, and my daughter just started school and she gets really tired around 7:30, 8:00 PM.

So I don't think we can postpone her bedtime later than 8:00 PM. The whole family wakes up together at half past 6 in the morning. So for my daughter, from half past 7 to half past 6, it's 11 hours, and I think and she's 6 years old, and I think that's the appropriate amount of sleep for her. For my son, he is 3 years old.

He still naps at kindergarten, usually more than 2 hours, and I hope they will cut back on it a little bit because he also started kindergarten this year, so he's also very tired. He sometimes falls asleep during lunch on the table in the kindergarten. So I hope that when he gets used to the new environment, he won't be that sleepy, that tired at lunchtime, and then he will fall asleep a little bit later. Just a half an hour would count a lot.

A little bit later in kindergarten. And then I think if he slept about one and a half an hour during the day and not 2 or sometimes 2 and a half hours, that would make it easier for him to fall asleep. The problem is that now I would have to put him to bed later, I think, than my daughter, and that's really difficult because if I play with my son in the living room, first of all, he is not a quiet child, so that would make it quite difficult to make him stay quiet. And but most importantly, my daughter just becomes jealous and feels left out, and she wouldn't want to go to bed, and I kind of understand that.

So we are trying to find a compromise when it's not too late for my daughter and not too early for my son, like around half past 8 maybe. But still, on occasional nights, like yesterday when we were out with friends, we came home quite late and we only put the kids to bed at 9:00, and still it took almost an hour for my son to fall asleep. And he makes all kinds of excuses to come out. First of all, he drinks all of his water from his sippy cup and complains that it's empty, and then like 20 minutes later, of course, he has to go pee.

And after that, he just comes out and he says that he's afraid we have to switch the lights on in the hall so that it's not that dark in the room. So he actually complains about nighttime fears, but he doesn't say anything in particular. So it's not like he's afraid of monsters or anything. I think what he labels as fear is just this uneasy, inconvenient feeling when you are in bed and bored and you don't know what to think about or you just don't know what to do.

So there are two things that I'm planning to do. One is that to talk it out with my daughter, to let her brother stay awake later, and so postpone bedtime. The other thing that I'm going to try is that I will go in with them and just be there for like half an hour and see if he can fall asleep easier. So that would eliminate bedtime fears.

So far I've only done this once, and my daughter fell asleep like after 5 minutes, and my son fell asleep after 20 minutes, which is kind of okay. So I'm wondering if I do this like as a therapy for like a week, to go in every evening and to stay with them until my son falls asleep, whether it would make nighttime fears go away. Or at least I would see if this is the problem. So if I'm there and he still cannot fall asleep, then I will for sure have to make bedtime later for him.

And the problem is that both of these are very difficult and both of these solutions take away from my time, because if I'm there with them waiting for them to fall asleep, that's a really frustrating task. What I actually do to make it less frustrating for myself is that I read something. So I will tell them that I will use my Kindle with that little built-in light, and I hope that doesn't disturb them. But even if it does, that's the only way I can stay in their room because I don't want to just lie there and not do anything.

So that's one solution. And the other one, if my son's bedtime is later, that's also quite difficult for me because I got used to it that from 8:00 PM to midnight it's my time. But I guess I will just have to think about it as very precious one-on-one time with my son and just find some games that we can both enjoy together. I hope this list of possible reasons why a toddler will not fall asleep easily helps someone out there.

Frequently asked questions

How long should it take a toddler to fall asleep?

About 15 minutes, if bedtime is at the right time for her. Twenty or thirty minutes on an occasional evening is nothing to worry about. If it consistently takes an hour, something is off — most often the schedule, sometimes the room, sometimes the fact that she has no time to wind down before lights out.

Is it normal for a toddler to take 30 minutes to fall asleep?

Occasionally, yes. Every single night, less so — it usually means bedtime does not match her sleep window. Either she is not sleepy enough because the nap ended too close to bedtime, or she is overtired, or the last half hour before bed is too stimulating.

Should I move bedtime later or earlier if my toddler cannot fall asleep?

It depends on which problem you have. If she is calm but simply not sleepy, bedtime is too early: push it later, or make sure there are enough hours between the end of the nap and bedtime. If she gets loud, fast, wild and throws tantrums in the evening, she is overtired and bedtime should be earlier. Experiment with one change at a time and watch which way it goes.

Why can my toddler suddenly not fall asleep tonight, when she usually does?

A one-off is almost always a small physical discomfort rather than a sleep problem: a stuffy nose, a wet nappy, teething, gas, or a hair tourniquet — a strand of hair wound tightly around a toe, usually hidden inside a sock. It is worth checking the toes; that is exactly what a doctor did when I took my own daughter to the emergency room.

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