Screens, baths and lullabies: what belongs in a bedtime routine
Three of the most common bedtime routine questions: screens before bed, whether a bath belongs in the routine at all, and what to sing when you cannot sing.
Short answer: what belongs in a bedtime routine?
- Not a screen. Blue light suppresses melatonin, the hormone that makes falling asleep easy, so switch screens off at least an hour before bed.
- A bath only if your child likes it. For some children a warm bath is calming; for others it is a party, or a fight. Never make a baby angry before bedtime.
- A bath is not compulsory, and newborn skin does not need daily washing anyway. A sandpit-covered toddler can be washed on arriving home instead.
- A lullaby is a sleep cue — the signal that everything else is finished. Use the same one every night rather than varying it.
- If you will not sing, say a nursery rhyme. It has a rhythm, it works exactly the same way, and it can be whispered.
Would you like to listen to a podcast episode about this? TV before bed?
Is it okay for my child to watch TV before bed?
Question number 1 is this: "Is it okay for my child to watch TV before bed?" Well, watching TV, or any other kind of screens, is not a very good idea before bedtime, not only for babies but also for adults. And moreover, screen time is really not recommended until 1 or 2 years of age, and even after that it should be limited. But especially before bedtime, it's not a good idea, and it has something to do with melatonin. Here is what I write about this in my book.
Make sure that your children's screen time is as far from bedtime as possible. It should definitely not be part of the bedtime routine. Why do most experts say that it is best to switch off all screens at least an hour before bedtime? The answer is melatonin.
Melatonin is a natural hormone that is released by the pineal gland and that regulates the sleep-wake cycle. In the evening, it promotes sleepiness and makes you fall asleep quicker. Its release is triggered by darkness, so it has very low levels during the day. Not only sunlight, but also blue light emitted by TVs, computer screens, or smartphones suppresses melatonin production.
So if you or your child try to go to bed after watching a screen, it will be more difficult to fall asleep because your melatonin levels won't be at their natural high. That said, I have read many comments from moms who said that their children fall asleep easily after watching TV. And of course, as it is with nearly everything about parenting and sleep coaching and baby temperaments, every baby is different, so that can happen. But generally, it is not a good idea.
Even if your baby does that, probably it's not a very good habit that you should build. And it would be better to use this time to read a book, or sing a lullaby, or just cuddle with your kid.
When there is no other option: one parent, three children
Of course, it's not always possible to avoid screen time before bed. For example, a reader of my book, a mother of 3 who had twins under the age of 1, and also a toddler, and she had to put her kids to bed alone because her husband wasn't home for bedtime during the week. The only solution she could find to putting her kids to bed was to put on some TV for the toddler. And that was because the twins had to go to bed earlier, and it took them at least half an hour to fall asleep.
And it was not possible to put them to sleep with a toddler in the same room, because she was loud and was jumping around. So she couldn't just leave her toddler in another room playing quietly and peacefully for half an hour, so she had to put on some TV. And of course, after that, it was time for the toddler to go to bed. So if you have no other solutions, if you have no help, and if it works, if the toddler can still fall asleep, then don't be hard on yourself.
This is just one possible solution to this. But otherwise, if you have other options, just try to separate screen time from bedtime with at least 1 hour.
Should bath time be part of the bedtime routine?
Question number 2: "Should I make bath time part of our bedtime routine? Will it help my baby to fall asleep?" Well, the answer, as with many other questions, depends on the baby. In many cultures, parents think of bathing as an obligatory part of the bedtime routine, but it doesn't have to be. It is true that a warm bath makes some babies sleepy, and it calms them down.
And it's also a very nice way of bonding and playing with your baby before bedtime. But that said, some babies get really fussy and angry during bath time. Some of them just don't like the water or are afraid of the situation. Others, they just get overexcited and like playing too much in the bath, and they're splashing around and get excited, and then it just makes them more hyper.
And never make a baby angry before bedtime. So if your child likes baths, then make it part of the bedtime routine. If you enjoy giving a bath to your baby, and if you're comfortable doing it, even when you are alone with your baby, because I know that some parents don't like it to do it alone, especially with newborns, then do it. But if you become nervous during bath time because you are afraid that you would drop your baby, or if your baby doesn't like baths, or if your baby gets overexcited, then don't make it part of your bedtime routine.
It's not a rule that it should be part of the bedtime routine.
How often should you bathe a baby?
Also, there are practical considerations, like the skin of newborns is really sensitive. So for most of them, it's not even good to give daily baths. So if you only bathe your baby once a week or twice a week, then of course it shouldn't be part of the bedtime routine. For older kids, it might be necessary to bathe every day, but still, sometimes it's just not practical to make showers or baths part of the bedtime routine.
For example, in the case of toddlers who play in the sandbox a lot during the day, you might want to just wash them off as soon as they come home from the playground, and you don't want to wait until before bedtime. So do it as you wish, and experiment with it. And even if you decide on something, just take a few months and then re-evaluate. So some babies who previously hated baths, they might get to like them, and vice versa.
Maybe your baby liked baths as a newborn, but now as a toddler, it just doesn't work as part of the bedtime routine.
What lullabies should I sing to my baby?
Question number 3: "What lullabies do you sing to your babies? Please give me some ideas." Well, lullabies are unquestionably one of the most favorite parts of the bedtime routine for most children, and also parents. Usually, it is the last thing to do in the bedtime routine. It can be a very nice sleep cue for babies so they know that now everything is over.
Stories, books, cuddling is over, and now it's time to sleep. If you are short of ideas, look for lullabies that are easy to learn, with simple melodies and simple lyrics. If English is not your mother tongue, the melodies work just as well on their own. Just to give you some ideas: "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," "Hush Little Baby," "Rock-a-Bye Baby," "Girls and Boys Come Out to Play," "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," "Sleep Tight," "Are You Sleeping," "Little Bo Peep," "Hush My Darling," "Danny Boy," and so on.
What if you cannot sing? Use a nursery rhyme instead
Okay, but what if you are too shy to sing to your baby? First of all, don't be too shy. Your baby doesn't mind if you don't have a perfect pitch or perfect voice. But if you really don't want to sing, then you can just as easily use a nursery rhyme as a sleep cue.
So nursery rhymes are very good because you don't have to actually sing them. You can even whisper them if that's called for. They also have a rhythm, and they work just as well as a sleep cue as a lullaby. A collection of classic nursery rhymes is easy to find, and you only need to memorise one or two.
You don't have to vary it. It's actually better if you just stick to 1 lullaby or 1 nursery rhyme, and you use the same as a sleep cue every single night.
Frequently asked questions
Is it okay for my child to watch TV before bed?
It is better not to, and it should certainly not be part of the bedtime routine. Blue light from a screen suppresses melatonin, so your child goes to bed without the hormone that makes falling asleep easy. Aim for at least an hour between the last screen and bedtime. Some children do fall asleep easily after a show, but it is still not a habit worth building.
Should a bath be part of the bedtime routine?
Only if it calms your child and you are comfortable doing it. A warm bath makes some babies sleepy; others hate the water or get thoroughly overexcited splashing, and then it works against you. It is not a rule that a bath belongs to bedtime — and it is worth re-evaluating every few months, because children change.
What lullaby should I sing?
Whichever one you can remember without thinking. The point is not the song but the repetition: the same lullaby every night becomes a cue that stories and cuddles are over and sleep comes next. Pick something with a simple melody and simple words, and keep it the same.
What if I cannot sing?
Say a nursery rhyme instead. It has its own rhythm, it works just as well as a sleep cue, and you can whisper it. Your baby does not mind an imperfect voice, but if you would rather not sing at all, a rhyme does the same job.
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