Nap schedules with more than one child, and when nursery only does one nap
Three scheduling problems that have no perfect answer: a baby who needs two naps at a nursery that does one, two children on different nap schedules, and three children sharing one room.
Short answer: juggling naps between children and nursery
- Most children move to one nap after their first birthday, which is why nurseries assume it — but some are not ready until 18 months, and that is normal.
- Ask before you accept it. Some nurseries will let a younger baby sleep in a pram or a separate room. It is worth ringing round.
- Keep the same schedule at the weekend as the nursery does on weekdays, or Monday will undo the whole week.
- With two children on different nap schedules, sacrifice the shorter, secondary nap to get out of the house, not the main one, and alternate which child gets the pram.
- When bedtimes have to differ and the room does not, sacrifice a little at both ends: slightly late for the older child, slightly early for the toddler, and talk to them about why.
Would you like to listen to a podcast episode about this? 3 kids in a studio apartment?
What is a baby schedule, and how strict should it be?
Today I collected 3 questions about schedules. Here is what my book says about schedules. "A baby's schedule is a timetable of what happens when in the day of a baby. Usually it involves sleeping times, feeding times, but sometimes also diaper changes, walks in the park, etc.
Some parents like to keep their schedules very strict and do everything at the same time every day. For others, these activities can deviate from the ideal plus-minus an hour, or even more. And there are parents who don't believe in schedules at all. Technically, there are baby-led, parent-led, and combination schedules based on how consistent the schedules are and who determines them, but there is a continuum between these.
Parent-led schedules are the strictest. Parents develop a schedule based on what experts recommend for their baby's age and try to stick to it no matter what. The other extreme are baby-led schedules, when parents watch their baby's hunger and sleepy cues and feed them or put them to sleep when they seem to need it. Combination schedules are a mix of the two, when parents have an approximate schedule in mind but they deviate from it whenever needed." Okay, so according to a poll on babycenter.com, most parents follow a combination schedule.
Usually schedules are more relaxed for newborns for most parents, and they get more and more strict as the child grows up. When the child goes to nursery or kindergarten, usually the schedule is quite strict because nurseries and kindergartens keep their schedule consistent.
My baby still needs 2 naps but nursery only does 1
But what happens when the needs of the child do not coincide with the schedule of the nursery? This is the first question about. Question number 1: "My baby just turned 1 year old and starts nursery next month. She still naps twice a day, but kids in the nursery nap only once.
What should I do?" Okay, so I had exactly the same situation. My son started nursery when he was 1 year old. Here in Hungary the minimum age for nursery is 12 months, and it's exactly because they want the kids to sleep once a day. So they want the kids to have one nap.
And the reason is that usually they don't have a separate room for sleeping. So if they have kids who sleep twice and kids who sleep once, it's just impossible to manage. Okay, so most kids go through the last nap transition from 2 naps to 1 nap after 1 year of age. So that is why nurseries can safely assume that most kids will be ready for 1 nap at 12 months of age.
But some kids are just not. My son, for example, switched to 1 nap at 18 months. Half a year later than the nursery wanted him to. So what I did, I called all the nurseries that were in a reasonable distance from our house.
It was, I think, 15 nurseries. And I asked all of them if it's possible for my son to sleep twice a day. And I only found one, which was quite far. But still, I chose that one because knowing my son, I know how important sleep is to him and he really likes to sleep.
And he gets really cranky, even aggressive, when we don't let him sleep. So I knew that for him, this transition to 1 nap would have been really, really difficult at 1 year of age. And then we switched nurseries when he transitioned to 1 nap on his own, and then he attended the nursery closer to our house. Okay, but if you have no other option, and if you really think that nursery is the best for your son, then what you can do is to go there and try to talk with the teachers at the nursery.
And try to explain to them, if you think that your son is not ready for the nap transition, then try to reason with them. And also try to look for creative solutions. Whether they have an extra room where your son could sleep twice while the other kids are playing, or whether it's possible for your son to sleep in a pram while the other kids are outside in the garden. That's what my daughter did, actually.
So she also went to nursery when she was 1 year old. And what they did is that they put her in a pram, and she happily fell asleep there, and then they just walked to the playground with the other kids, with my daughter in the pram, and that's how she slept. So just ask them whether it's possible in any other way for your child to sleep twice. Also, try to observe your child.
Is he really, really sleepy every day, every single day before nap time? Are you sure that he needs 2 naps every day? Or is it 2 naps most days but 1 nap some of the days? Because if it is, then maybe he's ready for this nap transition.
Even if it's a little earlier, maybe you would have a few difficult months. But if you really think that this nursery is worth it, then just try it and trust the teachers at the nursery that they are very experienced in transitioning kids to 1 nap, because that's what they always have to do with younger kids. And on your end, what you could do is that you keep the same schedule during the weekends as they do in the nursery. Because if you switch back to 2 naps for the weekend, then it will be just more difficult for your son to go back to nursery and sleep just once during the day the next week.
Naps with two children: one napping once, one twice
Question number 2: "What does your routine look like with an older child who naps once and a younger one who needs to nap twice? I feel like that naps take up a huge portion of the day, and we don't have any time left for going out." It's quite an impossible task to figure out a schedule in this situation and still have time to go out if you want all of the naps of your children to be at home. So if you would like to go out, then just put one of your kids in the pram and have one of the naps on the go. I mean, if you are considering sleep training, or if your children have sleep problems, then having naps on the go is not recommended, at least for the time of sleep training.
But after that, or if you don't have any problems with sleep at your home, then don't worry about it. Kids usually sleep quite well in the pram, although they say that it's not as restorative as sleeping at home in a quiet and dark environment. But still, think about which is the one nap that could be sacrificed for going out. You can even alternate.
So like one day you put your younger one in the pram and go out to the playground with the older child, and the other day vice versa. Also, when you choose to sacrifice one of the naps of your younger child, think about which one of her naps is the main nap. Usually there's one main nap which is a bit longer and more important for the child, and there's a second one which is usually shorter, maybe its length is not as consistent as with the other nap. And then try to sacrifice this one, the secondary nap, not the main nap.
For some kids it's the morning nap, for other kids it's the afternoon nap. Also, I don't know how old your older child is, but if he or she is more than 3 years old, 4 years old, maybe 5 years old, then maybe the one nap she has is not that important anymore. So maybe she can skip it on some days, and then on those days you put her to bed earlier to make up for the lost sleep.
Three children in one room: different bedtimes, one bedroom
Question number 3: "We are temporarily living in a 30-square-meter apartment with my 3 kids and my husband. My toddler still naps at kindergarten, the other 2 go to school, and they do not nap. My older kids get tired earlier in the evening and should go to bed earlier than the toddler. How can I make this possible?" Wow, this is a really tough situation because it seems like an impossible thing to do.
You will have to make some compromises, I think. So I guess that usually the sleep need of younger school-aged kids, so like 6 or 7-year-old kids, is still almost the same as that of a toddler, maybe just half an hour or maximum 1 hour less. I don't know about the sleep needs of your kids, but I'm thinking that the problem is that their daily sleep needs are similar for all 3 of them, but since the school-aged kids do not nap during the day, they would have to go to bed at least an hour earlier than the toddler who still naps during the day, probably for one or two hours. And I also guess that they have to wake up at the same time to go to school and kindergarten.
So that seems to be a real problem, especially in a very small apartment where I guess there's only 1 room, and that the kids would disturb each other. Also, it's usually quite difficult to make the older ones understand that they have to go to bed while the little one can still party around. I have a very similar problem with my kids. My daughter is 6 years old, and my son is 3 years old.
And if I let my son sleep, he usually sleeps at least 1 and a half an hour during his nap, but sometimes 2 hours. And they have very similar sleep needs. So now that school has started and they have to wake up, both of them at 7:00 a.m., my daughter would like to go to bed at 7:30 p.m. in the evening, and at that time my son is not really sleepy. But we kind of sacrifice a little bit on both ends.
So we usually put them to bed around 8:00, sometimes 8:30. When my daughter is really sleepy, then at 7:30. And my son just had to put up with lying in bed a little bit awake. What usually happens is that he's quite okay with this, and he maybe plays around in his crib a little bit longer, and my daughter instantly falls asleep.
Sometimes, though, it causes a little bit of problem, like my son tries to talk with my daughter and doesn't let her sleep. Other times, if my daughter already fell asleep, then my son just comes out and tries to hang out with us. And if I see that he's really not sleepy yet, I just let him do that for a quarter of an hour or 30 minutes, maybe, and then I send him back to his room. So of course I could make them sleep in separate rooms, but they really don't like that.
They both get afraid if they have to sleep alone. So I guess you face quite similar problems. And one way to go about it is that, as I do, you sacrifice on both ends. So you come up with a schedule, you come up with a bedtime which is a little bit too early for your toddler and a little bit too late for your other kids, but still they would both only sacrifice a little.
And the other possibility, of course, is to have a talk with the kids. I mean, even the toddler and definitely the school-aged kids are maybe already mature enough to understand this situation. And you can explain to them that it's important for the school-aged kids to go to bed earlier and what are the reasons. And then you can talk with the toddler too, to try to be quiet in the evening.
I would even put on some cartoons for the toddler for 30 minutes or so. I know screen time is not recommended before bedtime, but if you have no other option to keep him quiet, then I would try that and see if it disturbs his sleep. If it does, of course, stop doing that and try to find other ways. Maybe if the weather is nice, you can go out for a walk with the toddler before bedtime.
Or you can find some tasks for the toddler in the kitchen. Or another option is to work it into your bedtime routine. So you can say that you will have 1 story, you will read 1 story for each child, and you start with the bigger ones. You start for the school-aged kids and then tell them to go to bed.
And then for the story for your toddler, you go as far as possible from the other kids' bed and see if they can fall asleep while you read to your toddler. And in this way, they could get maybe 20, 30 minutes more sleep. But ultimately, this is not an ideal situation, and I'm happy to hear that it's only temporary for you. So I hope that you can survive these few months and your kids won't be too tired in school.
Frequently asked questions
My baby still needs two naps but the nursery only does one. What can I do?
First ask around: some nurseries can let a younger child sleep in a pram while the others are in the garden, or in a separate room. If there is no such option, look at whether your child truly needs two naps every single day or only most days — if it is most days, she is probably close to the transition and a few difficult weeks will get her there. Whatever the nursery does, keep the same schedule at the weekend.
When do babies drop to one nap?
Most children go from two naps to one after their first birthday, which is why nurseries can reasonably assume it at twelve months. But it is a range, not a date: my own son only made the switch at eighteen months, and pushing him earlier would have been miserable for everyone.
How do I get out of the house when my two children nap at different times?
Put one of them in the pram and let that nap happen on the go. Choose the secondary nap for this, not the main one — every child has one longer, more important nap and one shorter, less consistent one. Alternate which child gets the pram so it is not always the same one losing the better sleep. The exception is while you are sleep training: keep naps at home during that period.
Two children share a room but need different bedtimes. What do I do?
Compromise at both ends: a bedtime slightly later than ideal for the older one and slightly earlier than ideal for the toddler, so neither loses much. Talk to them about why — even a toddler understands more than you expect. And you can use the bedtime story: read to the older ones first, send them to bed, then read to the toddler as far from their beds as the flat allows.
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