My baby falls asleep independently but still wakes at night
Your baby falls asleep on her own at bedtime and still wakes twice a night. Does that mean the sleep training failed? No — and here is what to do about the nights and the naps.
Short answer: bedtime, nighttime and naptime sleep training
- Most babies transfer the skill. Learn it at bedtime, and the nights and naps usually fall into place on their own, with no further training.
- Some do not, and that is normal too. Then you train the nights separately, with the same method you used at bedtime.
- If you split it up, start with the nights. Naptime training is often unnecessary once the nights work.
- Falling asleep alone does not stop hunger. If your baby still needs feeding at night, she will still wake for it — that is night weaning, a separate job.
- Dark room for naps? Dark if she struggles to fall asleep or stay asleep in the day; lighter if her naps run too long or she still confuses day and night.
Would you like to listen to a podcast episode about this? Nighttime and naptime sleep training
My baby falls asleep independently but still wakes at night. Why?
A mother recently asked whether there are other parents whose baby falls asleep independently but still wakes up twice a night. So: baby falls asleep independently but still wakes up during the night. She got dozens of replies, and more or less everyone said it was the same for them. Some people said that their babies wake up 2 times, 3 times, 4 times, up to 6 times per night even though they fall asleep independently, and the age of the babies ranged from 4 months to 18 months, if I recall correctly.
As one of them put it, the common knowledge is that the goal of sleep training is to teach babies to fall asleep independently, and that's correct, and also that once they learn that, so when you put them to bed at bedtime, once they learn to fall asleep independently, the expectation is that they will sleep through the night. And how is it possible that their babies are still not sleeping through the night despite the fact that they already know how to fall asleep at bedtime? And the answer is the following.
Why bedtime sleep training usually fixes the nights too
Okay, so yes, it's true that usually babies after they learn how to fall asleep independently at bedtime, they transfer this knowledge to nighttime and naptime. So usually, in most cases, after you do bedtime sleep training, you don't have to do anything else because it will just fall into place. And the reason is that, as you know, as we sleep we go through sleep cycles, and after each sleep cycle we wake up very briefly for a few seconds. Babies do this too, but their sleep is much lighter, and they tend to wake up more than we do during the night.
And when they wake up, they look around and they check their environment, and if the environment is scary, or if the environment is unexpected, or if the environment is so that they cannot fall asleep in it alone, then they will cry for you, and they will signal for you. The only way they can do this is by crying, of course, so they will cry and they will demand that you help them to fall asleep. And so if the reasoning is that if they learn to fall asleep alone, then they will not do this because they won't need you to put them to sleep, so when they wake up between sleep cycles they will just look around, see that it's safe, it's the same place where they fell asleep, and they will just go back to sleep alone. And this is true for most cases.
In most cases, babies transfer the knowledge that they've learned during bedtime and they apply it to nighttime awakenings too. So if they know how to fall asleep at bedtime, they will know how to fall asleep at nighttime, but that's not always the case. Every baby is different, and just as with parenting in general, it's true for sleep coaching too.
When you have to train the nights and naps separately
So it's true that some babies will not do that, and in these cases you will have to do nighttime sleep training separately, or naptime sleep training separately if naps are your problem. So probably the same method you used during bedtime sleep training, you can use the same method during nighttime sleep training.
Nighttime or naptime sleep training first?
Okay, so question number 2: what works better, doing nighttime sleep training and naptime sleep training at the same time, or doing nighttime sleep training first or doing naptime sleep training first? I have read a lot of answers to this one, and you can find every variation out there. So one mom said that their pediatrician suggested to do both, and it really worked. Others said that you should do nighttime sleep training first, and then naptime sleep training will be much easier.
Another reason to do this was that a mom said that since other people are looking after her kid during the day, she didn't want to impose this task, you know, put this task on them. So she did nighttime sleep training first, and then naptime sleep training just wasn't necessary because the kid just learned to nap well on her own. Another mom said that they started with naptime sleep training because the child started nursery, so they wanted to be ready for that, so that the child can fall asleep easily in the nursery. So they did naptime sleep training first, and then after a few weeks they continued with nighttime sleep training.
I write about this in my book too, and my suggestion is to do whatever works for you. If you don't have much time to solve this problem and you don't mind just having a few intense days, then just do bedtime and nighttime and naptime sleep training all at once. But if you feel like you have time and your child would take it more easily if you take a more gradual approach, then you just do the sleep training separately for bedtime, nighttime, and naptime. If you choose to do this, then I suggest to start with nighttime because most often naptime sleep training then won't be necessary at all, as I discussed in the answer for the first question.
Does night weaning change the order?
So it also depends on whether you want to do night weaning. So if you don't mind your baby getting up for feeding a few times a night, then just do bedtime sleep training, and if the baby is still hungry at night, then she will wake up to feed. Also, if you very often go out during naps and the child sleeps in a pram, then of course naptime sleep training is not necessary. So it really depends on you and your baby, and there's no wrong way to do this.
Should the room be dark for naps too?
Question number 3: this is not exactly about the time of sleep training, but it's about naptime. It's about the environment for naptime. So you might know that for nighttime sleep, the recommended environment is a room where it's dark, silent, and moderately cool, so it's not too warm for the baby to sleep. One of the readers of my book asked whether the same environment is recommended for naptime too, or should the room be brighter and the environment a little bit louder for naptime, so that the baby doesn't confuse day and night, you know.
Some sleep experts recommend the same environment for naps as for nighttime, a dark and silent room, same bed, while others say that it is better not to pull the curtains completely because too much darkness during the day might mess up the circadian rhythm of the child. I haven't explained this issue in my book, so here's my two cents about it. As for many other things in sleep coaching, where there seems to be a controversy, there isn't one. It just depends on the child.
If your child has difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep during naps, a completely dark room might help. But if your child tends to nap for too long, I mean, it might not seem too long for you, but a nap is considered too long if it messes up the schedule, or if waking up from the nap is too close to bedtime, or if your child still confuses day and night, then don't make the room completely dark.
How I combine the two with my own son
You can even combine the two approaches, as I do with my son. He is 3 years old now, and I still do this with him. I make the room completely dark, but I open his door after 1.5 hours of napping. At this point, he usually wakes up in 10 minutes.
If the room is not dark enough, he might only nap for 30 or 60 minutes. But if I leave the door closed and the room dark, he might nap for 2 or 3 hours, which makes his bedtime much later than my daughter's. This leads to conflict because my daughter wouldn't want to go to bed earlier than her baby brother, understandably, so I try to avoid it and keep my son's naps shorter.
Frequently asked questions
My baby falls asleep independently but still wakes up at night. Why?
Because the skill does not always transfer by itself. Most babies who learn to fall asleep alone at bedtime apply the same thing when they surface between sleep cycles at 2 a.m., but not all of them do, and waking two or three times is very common even among babies who settle beautifully in the evening. If it persists, train the night wakings separately with the same method you used at bedtime.
Should I do nighttime or naptime sleep training first?
Nights first, in most cases. Naps are shorter, the sleep drive is weaker and they are harder to train, and quite often naptime training turns out to be unnecessary once the nights are sorted. The exception is a practical one: if your child is starting nursery and needs to nap there, or someone else looks after her in the daytime, it can make sense to reverse the order.
Can I do bedtime, nights and naps all at once?
You can, and some families prefer it: a few intense days and it is over. It is more demanding for everyone, so choose it only if you have the time and the stomach for it. A more gradual route — bedtime, then nights, then naps if needed — is easier on a child who does not take abrupt changes well.
Should the room be dark for naps?
It depends on which problem you have. If your child struggles to fall asleep or to stay asleep during the day, make the room completely dark. If her naps run so long that they push bedtime out, or she still confuses day and night, do not black it out. You can also do both, as I do: a dark room, and the door opened after an hour and a half so she surfaces on her own.
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